Don't Defy Me and Other Phrases
by TheRealEatsShootsAndLeaves
Summary: What happens when a lonely Goblin King gets to cut loose after a lifetime of darkness and solitude?


_Disclaimers and author's notes appear at the end of the story._

"**Don't Defy Me" and Other Phrases**

"_As the world falls dooooooowwwwwwn. Woo huh hoo" he sang into her ear as they twirled in the crystal ballroom. He was dressed in his battle armor, wearing his heavy cape and holding the dark-haired girl in one hand and a crystal in the other. _

"_Oh, Jareth," she said. "You are so wonderful."_

"_Oh, Sarah" he said. "You are so wonderful, too. Would you marry me and become my Queen?"_

"_Yes, yes, of course I will, because we are totally in love. I want to have SO many babies," she smiled and simpered at him._

"_How many babies?" he asked._

"_About a gazillion," she said._

_A crowd of dancers dipped, spun and whirled around them. Four identical blonde girls, dressed in varying pink ball gowns danced with two identical blonde boys dressed in swim trunks, a large bear wearing a bow tie, and a pink and white striped tiger. Several small farm animals were waltzing in pairs, laughing and talking in a barnyard patois. Two large rabbits were taking a slow and stately route around the perimeter of the dance floor, smiling benevolently at the other dancers._

"_Have I told you how pretty you are?" asked the Goblin King._

"_No," she said, "and I've been waiting."_

"_I'm so sorry," he said, "so very, very sorry I forgot to tell you. You are very pretty."_

"_Thank you," said the beautiful princess in the white and pink ball gown. "I think you're pretty, too."_

"_Then we're both pretty," he said. "Isn't it great?"_

_She smiled up into his face as they continued to twirl._

"_Why don't you go put on that wedding gown over there?" he said._

"_I thought you'd never ask," she said._

_Just as he moved in for a kiss, there came a tremendous crash, accompanied by a mighty roar. Goblin King, princess, and the entire crowd of dancers, fell to the floor and scattered before the tempest._

_A huge tyrannosaurus rex was stomping through the ballroom, kicking revelers, seating, and a nicely laid table of tea and snacks to the side. The dinosaur was on Sarah in an instant, holding her in its toothy mouth as she kicked and screamed._

_A scream of outrage brought the dinosaur to a halt._

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"Joey! You doo doo head!" Six year old Tessie was furious. "You smashed the crystal ballroom!"

"Oh no. My cwystal bawroom!" Joey, displaying all of the gravity and maturity of his eight years, mocked in an intentionally annoying lisp, clutching the large plastic tyrannosaurus. "Dinosaurs hate ballrooms."

"Give me back my doll!" Tessie bellowed.

Joey laughed and ran out of the room clutching the dinosaur in one hand and the brown haired teen fashion doll in the other.

Tessie was right on his heels, blaring like a fire engine.

As the combatants galloped off down the hall, the toys cautiously looked around.

"They're heading downstairs," reported the patrol car lurking under the dresser next to the door.

"All clear," said the teddy bear. Turning to the Goblin King doll, he remarked, "You're new here. Welcome to Tessie's room."

The Goblin King was still quite excited.

"That was amazing," he enthused. Never having been out of his box, the concept of playing was entirely new to him. He found it to be exhilarating. "What WAS that all about?"

"Tessie watched that "Labyrinth" movie with her sister," the pink and white tiger offered helpfully. "We've been playing "Labyrinth" for days now. Some fun, eh?"

"Fun? It was fantastic!" the Goblin King laughed. "I've never done anything like that in my entire existence! Who knew that getting out of my safe, mint condition box would be so rewarding? This is wonderful. Wonderful!"

"Uh, yeah, about that…" the tiger said hesitantly. "You're actually a collectible, aren't you? I've seen you in Abigail's room. Um…, I wouldn't get too excited about being out and about."

The Goblin King sighed and wilted.

"I suppose you're right," he said. "I belong to Abigail and she's not one for playing with her collectibles. Not that I mind," he hastened to add. "She's a lovely girl. She sets great store by me. I wouldn't want to disappoint her."

"Oh, she'll be disappointed," said one of the teen boy fashion dolls, from the top of the dresser. He was trying on a powder blue tuxedo jacket and admiring himself in the mirror. "You were probably expensive and when Tessie took you out of that box, she probably cut your value in half."

The Goblin King looked apprehensive. That didn't sound good.

"Oh, don't mind him," said the teddy bear. "He's still suffering PTSD from being in a rummage sale." He gave the teen boy doll a glare of disapproval. "Tessie treats you very well, and you know it. You haven't missed a playtime since you arrived.

"He's insecure," the teddy bear confided to the Goblin King. "He isn't a big name brand toy. Just a cheap knockoff. If he'd ever get it through his thick plastic head that Tessie couldn't care less about that sort of thing, he'd be a lot happier.

"I'm Teddy, by the way." The bear smiled kindly at the Goblin King. Even his yellow bow tie looked friendly.

"Jareth, the Goblin King, at your service." He swept his cape aside in a kingly manner and made a courtly bow.

"You're very handsome," said one of the blonde fashion dolls. She smiled brightly into his face and took his arm. He was quickly surrounded by the pretty, laughing dollies.

He puffed out his plastic chest and stood in what he hoped was an imposing manner. He was having a perfectly wonderful time.

"Heads up," honked the patrol car. "Incoming!"

Noisy feet came galloping down the hall. The door was flung fully open and Joey came galloping into the room and made a couple of laps over the bed and around the perimeter. Tessie was right behind him, still emitting piercing sounds of fury.

"Give me my doll, you pooper!" she screamed.

Joey laughed and tossed the doll onto the bed. He was turning to go, when something new caught his eye.

He snatched up the twelve inch tall plastic Goblin King and stared in admiration. The plastic figure was heavy, solid and quite detailed. The doll was dressed in molded black armor, black boots, snuggly molded tight pants and was topped with a shaggy plastic hairdo. He had a heavy detachable cape and was clutching a plastic crystal ball in one hand. He looked intimidating and evil and magnificent.

"Hey!" he said in genuine awe. "Who's this guy?"

"That's the Goblin King!" snapped his little sister, "and he hates stupid dinosaurs!"

"The GOBLIN King?" huffed Joey. "He would totally love dinosaurs because they look like goblins."

"Hey, come back with that!" screeched Tessie as Joey took off with Jareth and the dinosaur.

"Nuh-uh! It's mine, now." said Joey. "Goblin Kings hate dancing with dolls. We're gonna go do something fun." He hustled out of the door.

Tessie could hear his thumping footsteps down the hall and then a crash as he slammed the door to his room. She was debating whether she should go yell at him some more or whether she should go straight to Mom for backup.

As she pondered her options, she began to recall that the Goblin King wasn't actually HER toy. He belonged to her thirteen-year-old sister. Tessie was unfamiliar with the concept of puberty, hormones and the resulting emotional chaos they could bring, but she did know that Abigail was getting grumpier every day. She was loathe to cross her horrible sister in any way and suspected that removing the Goblin King from his box on the high shelf might have been a bad idea.

Tessie was clever for a six year old and had a well-developed sense of self-preservation. She decided that it would be best for the Goblin King to be in Joey's possession when the empty box was discovered.

She sat down amongst her toys and put her bunny slippers back on her feet. A few moments were spent pairing up the plastic farm animals, the identical quadruplet fashion dolls and various stuffed animals. She picked up the teddy bear with the yellow bow tie.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen," she said. "I'm the President of Louisiana and I say everyone has to dance the chicken dance."

At that moment in the room down the hall, Joey had discovered that the Goblin King could talk. He had found a switch in the back and a plastic tab that was protecting a battery. He yanked the tab and turned the switch on. Careful inspection and prodding led him to a button on the doll's chest. When he pressed the button, the king spoke.

"Don't defy me!"

Joey laughed out loud. That was great! He tried a few more times, but quickly discovered the other phrases weren't as interesting. There was a rather long speech about "go to your room and play with your toys," but he wasn't really interested in that.

Joey put the Goblin King down on the floor and reached under his bed to drag the toy box into the light.

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_Jareth was glaring at the invaders lined up in the field before him. His trusty dinosaur stood at his side, ready to do his bidding. Hah! As if he needed a dinosaur. He could destroy all of that army with the mighty power of his crystal laser gun._

_The crowd of monsters, machinery, army men, space men and dinosaurs that had turned to the dark side stared back at him._

_He knew no fear. He would defend the helpless half-man, half-wolf trapped in the high tower until an antidote was found for his sickness._

"_Thank you for saving me, mighty Goblin King!" shouted the Wolfman in gratitude._

"_Think nothing of it," the King replied. "It isn't your fault that a werewolf bit you."_

"_We're gonna get that mangy Wolfman," yelled one of the army men._

"_DON'T DEFY ME!" roared the King and he launched a deadly fire crystal at the opposing forces._

_The fire crystal bowled the invaders over in much the same way as a rolling soccer ball would wipe out a row of toys._

"_AHA!" laughed the King in fiendish delight._

_The mighty dinosaur sidekick roared in approval and swung its tail like a battleax, knocking spacemen about like bowling pins._

_The King suddenly leapt into the air and began to fly over the retreating army, the wind howling through his flapping cape. He swooped and dived as they stampeded in fear, picking off stragglers and knocking them to the ground._

"_DON'T DEFY ME!" he yelled again and sent another fire crystal at them._

_The dinosaur was following on the ground, stomping the slow and stricken, and roaring all the while._

"_What's all this racket?" said a voice from above._

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"Nothing," sighed Joey as his mother cracked the door open.

"It sure sounds like something," said his mother. "Who are you vanquishing today?"

"Invaders," said Joey.

"I see," she replied. "Well, dinner's ready. Go wash your grubby paws."

"Ok, Mom," he said, and laying the toys aside, got up and scrambled out of the room.

"He's headed downstairs. We're clear," said the Famous Monsters Wolfman model from the high shelf by the door.

"Hey," gushed the dinosaur, "that was awesome! There were moments there, I really believed you could throw fireballs!"

"Thanks," said the Goblin King. "Call me Jareth." He began to work the room, shaking hands with the army men, giving high fives to the transformers, and exchanging hilarious funny faces with the giggling monster toys.

He could easily get used to this playtime business. He had been having a marvelous time. He had decided that Joey was every bit as much fun as Tessie. Such imaginative children! Such a wonderful day!

"Hey, who's the new guy?" yelled the Wolfman on the shelf.

"I am Jareth the Goblin King," Jareth said, hands on hips, smiling in an engaging and kingly manner.

"Hey, Lonnie," the dinosaur said happily.

"Hey, Earl," the Wolfman replied. He returned his attention to Jareth.

"Hey, I know you," said the Wolfman. "I'm the guy that was in the Amazon shipment with you."

"Why, that's right," said Jareth, happy to renew acquaintanceship. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine, buddy," the Wolfman happily replied. "But, if you don't mind me asking. What the heck are you doing out of your box? I saw the receipt, dude. You were one expensive item, there."

"Ah, yes," Jareth replied, a bit embarrassed as the other toys looked at him with new interest.

"And if you don't mind me saying so, you don't look like something kids would play with."

"Oh?" said Jareth, startled and dismayed. He wondered if that was supposed to be an insult. Why wouldn't kids want to play with him? He was magnificent!

"Yeah, you're obviously high quality craftsmanship," continued the Wolfman. "You have some really nice detailing there and you aren't articulated. You're already posed, you know? You're obviously a collectible, not a toy."

"Plus, your package is huge," added one of the army men.

A gasp went up from the assembly, followed by giggles.

Jareth was suddenly very uncomfortable.

"Oh dear," he said, in some distress. "You don't think Tessie noticed, do you?"

"Nah, she's too little to pay attention," said the Wolfman, grinning. "I bet Abigail notices plenty, though."

"Why would it be a big deal for Tessie or Abigail to notice the box he was in?" a red transformer asked in a whisper.

"That's not the package they're talking about, dude," a yellow transformer whispered back.

"Huh?"

"Just never mind, ok?"

Right at that moment, Abigail had indeed noticed something. She was standing in her room, looking at the opened, empty box where her prized Goblin King collectible talking doll used to be. Her piercing banshee screech of rage reverberated throughout the house.

Now seated at the dinner table, Tessie knew exactly what that screech was about. Her guilty conscience troubled her and she had brought Teddy along for comfort. She hugged him tightly and worried.

Joey, currently swigging his milk, was innocently unaware of the Goblin King's true owner. He never entered Abigail's room, because she had threatened him with blackmail concerning several pranks and schemes in which he was involved. Had he known the Goblin King belonged to his wretched older sister, he would never have touched the doll.

"What's she mooing about?" he said with an insolence born of innocence and ignorance.

Dad looked up from his green beans and met the perplexed gaze of his wife.

"What now?" he said wearily. He didn't recall being that crazy when he was a teenager.

"We're about to find out," Mom replied with an equal weariness.

Abigail raged into the dining room, red-faced and slightly teary-eyed with anger.

"Who took my Goblin King doll?" she yelled.

A suddenly wide-eyed Joey spit his second mouthful of milk all over his meatloaf.

"Your what?" said Dad.

"Oh, no," said Mom. "She means that doll you spent a couple of hundred dollars on for her birthday."

Dad's eyes narrowed in suspicion. He glared at Joey's milk drenched meatloaf and horrified expression.

"You know anything about that, boy?" he grumbled.

"I didn't know it was HER's!" Joey said, appalled.

"You didn't know the doll in her room was her doll," said Mom in calmly menacing tones.

"It wasn't in Abigail's room!" Joey hollered. "I don't NEVER go in her room!"

"Of course it was in my room!" bawled Abigail. She was shedding angry tears now, fists clenching and unclenching, her entire body taut with wrath.

"It was in Tessie's room! I stole it from Tessie!" Joey frantically gibbered.

Tessie began to loudly weep at this revelation.

"Hold it!" yelled Dad. The room fell silent, except for a few hushed sniffles from Tessie.

"Abigail, sit down," he said.

"But…," she began to protest.

"Sit," Dad said firmly.

She sat down, folding her arm angrily across her chest and glared at her plate.

"Tessie," said Dad, "did you take Abigail's special doll out of its box?"

Tessie's lower lip trembled and tears ran down her cheeks.

"Tessie?" he said.

"Yes," she said in a very small voice.

"You knew better, didn't you?" he said.

"Yes," she said in an even smaller voice.

"Tessie, when you took that doll out of the box, you made it less valuable. Do you understand what that means?" Dad asked.

Tessie sighed and nodded her head. She knew very well what it meant. She had heard Abigail talk about it enough

She nodded, deeply ashamed, stricken with guilt and fear of her horrible sister.

"Joey, did you take your sister's doll?" Dad asked.

"I thought it was Tessie's doll!" Joey objected. "I was gonna give it back."

"Tessie IS your sister. Did you take a doll from her?" Dad was getting a bit loud.

"Oh wait, you mean the other doll. Yes, sir," Joey said quietly, defeated by Dad's undisputable argument of Tessie's siblinghood.

"The OTHER doll? Boy, how many dolls have you taken from your sister today?"

"I gave it back. I was going to give the other one back, too," Joey whined.

Dad shook his head in exasperation.

"So, you both borrowed something you knew didn't belong to you without permission. Is that right?"

Two heads nodded in reluctant agreement.

"You two will finish your dinner. Then you both will go sit on the couch for one hour. You will not watch television. You will not read a book. You will not play with toys. You will not talk to each other or hit each other or even look at each other. You will sit. And you will think about why you shouldn't borrow other people's things without permission. You will not get any allowance this week and you will not be going to the swimming pool on Saturday. Tessie, because you took the doll out of the box when you knew better, you will have extra chores this week," Dad sat back and crossed his arms.

"Yes, sir," they sadly answered.

"Now," he said. "Apologize."

"I'm sorry, Abigail," said Tessie.

"I'm sorry, Abigail," said Joey. "I didn't know it was your doll, though."

Abigail glared at them with menace and said nothing.

"You're supposed to be apologizing to Tessie, boy!" grumped Dad.

"Oh." Joey looked a little confused. "Sorry, Tessie."

Dad shook his head again.

"Where is the doll?" said Mom.

"In my room," Joey muttered.

"Abigail, come with me," said Mom.

Abigail stood up and grumpily followed Mom up the stairs to Joey's room.

The volume of the confrontation that had taken place was such that Jareth the Goblin King had heard almost every word. He was devastated at Abigail's anguish. He cared deeply about his young mistress. He had listened to her stories and confessions ever since she had unwrapped him and put him in the place of honor upon the shelf over her desk.

Before he belonged to Abigail, he had been languishing in a closed bag. He didn't even know what his previous owner had looked like. He had never seen him or her. He had been purchased at a toy store in 1986, and stuffed into a bag. The bag moved and jostled for a while and then it sat still. It had sat still for years. He thought maybe the bag was in a closet, but he wasn't sure. There was no light or movement. Sometimes he could hear muffled sounds, but that was all.

One day, the bag was suddenly jostled and pulled into the light. His box had been lifted from the bag and faces stared at him with expressions of evaluation and judgment. He gathered from their conversations that his previous owner had died. He was sold to a person who dealt in collectible objects. The next thing that happened was that he was put into a box with Lonnie the Wolfman and they were jostled about in the dark for a few days.

Finally the box was opened. He was only able to get a glance at the ceiling of a small room before wrapping paper was placed around his box. The paper was pink and light filtered through it. He was philosophical about it. Pink light was better than the years of darkness.

Oh, but then came a day when the wrapping came off and there was Abigail looking in at him as if he were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. And he belonged to her; his beautiful, tempestuous, little mistress. She talked to him for hours about everything; boys, clothes, teachers, music, homework, horses. She told him about things that made her sad. She told him about things that made her happy. She paid attention to him and turned him so he could see everything that happened in the Kingdom of Abigail's room. He adored her.

But now she was angry because he was out of his box. He was less valuable now? Why? What was different? He was afraid now. He wanted to be back in his box. He wanted her to look at him with adoring eyes. He wanted her to talk to him. What if she didn't want to look at him or talk to him anymore? Would he have to go back into the dark?

The toys surrounding him were looking at him with sympathy, but they didn't know what to say to him. His wonderful day had suddenly turned to ashes and he felt miserable.

When Abigail came into the room, the first thing she saw was her beautiful doll, now sullied by exposure to the outside world and the touch of grubby little childish hands. He was practically ruined. It was completely unfair! Those two brats had devalued her most prized possession and their meager punishment was to sit on the couch and not get any allowance. She didn't even want to look at the doll. It was garbage now. She was disgusted. She should just throw it in the trash.

Mom picked the Goblin King up from the floor and dusted him off with the tail of her shirt.

"Wow," she said, "He's rather magnificent." She examined the doll, closely. She was amazed at the detail. She was amazed at the heft and solidity of the doll. She was amazed that this doll had a rather large bulge at the crotch. She hadn't noticed that when he was still in his box. Good heavens. She had seen the movie and was well aware that David Bowie had a lot to be proud of, but it was a little odd to see a doll with that sort of endowment. What were they thinking?

"He WAS magnificent," Abigail growled. "Now he's a piece of junk."

"Abigail!" Mom snapped. "Quit being ridiculous!"

"What?" huffed Abigail, as she was startled out of her anger. "But…"

"But nothing," said Mom. "When you first asked for this doll, you were showing me a picture of a doll on Ebay that didn't have a box. Your father decided to spoil you and get the one on Amazon that was the collectible mint-in-the-box doll. You would have been perfectly happy with just the doll. Am I right?"

Abigail grimaced, remembering. She hadn't been concerned about the box to start with.

"Well, yeah," she grudgingly agreed, "but Dad paid a lot of money for the box."

"Yes, he did," Mom agreed. "But he didn't have to get the box to make you happy, did he?"

"No," sighed Abigail.

"Now I can see why you're angry with your brother and sister. They were a couple of little stinkers today. But that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy your doll." She gave the doll to Abigail. "He's pretty cool, you know."

"Yeah," said Abigail. He WAS pretty cool and now that he was out of the box, she should see the intricate details of his costume, the bold authority of his expression and the slender elegance of his figure. "I guess so." She smiled a little.

"He's got a huge bulge there, too, said Mom. "Did you notice that?"

"MOM!" yelped Abigail. "Stop looking at that!"

Mom smirked at her daughter's embarrassment.

"I'm sorry that your collectible doll isn't worth as much money anymore, but since he's already out of his box, maybe you can enjoy the fact that you can actually play with him. Take Goblin King selfies or something, I don't know." Mom laughed.

"Well," said Abigail. "I do like photography. I'll bet I could get some pretty great shots of him in the garden. Dramatic like, with him hiding behind things, and well, doing all kinds of stuff. That sounds kind of fun."

"Well, then, I suggest you make the best of it and enjoy your doll," said Mom wisely. She gave Abigail a hug and they left Joey's room. As they went out, Jareth surreptitiously gave a wink to the Wolfman. The Wolfman grinned and gave a victorious fist-pump.

Mom continued down the stairs, preparing to give guilt-inspiring looks of sorrow to the aforementioned stinkers, while Abigail turned at the top of the stairs to return the Goblin King to her room.

"You ARE pretty cool," she said to her doll. "I'm going to make Tessie loan me that brown-haired doll, she OWES ME, and I'm gonna make a white Sarah dress. You guys are going to look great together."

She looked at the doll with serene satisfaction. She smoothed her fingers up and down his slender, booted legs. He really was a great doll. She glanced at the door, making sure Mom wasn't still around and then touched and inspected that interesting bulge.

After a few moments, she carefully placed him on the shelf, noting that if she was careful, he could balance on his feet and cape. She kissed her finger and then tapped him on top of his head. She left the room humming.

Jareth stood quietly for a moment. He was bewildered by the events of the day.

"Pssst! Hey!"

The yellow transformer was peering in the door at him.

"How did it go?" whispered the transformer.

Jareth thought for a second.

"Well," he said. "I guess it went pretty well. I think it went pretty great in fact." He smiled broadly.

"She felt you up, didn't she?" said the transformer.

Jareth's face froze in shock.

"What are you talking about?" whispered the red transformer standing right behind the yellow transformer.

"Never mind," hissed the yellow transformer. "Gotta go, buddy. See you later."

Jareth waved at the transformers as they turned into little vehicles and rolled away. He hoped he would get to play with them again sometime.

He surveyed the Kingdom of Abigail's room. He was exhausted from the day's activities, but he also felt a warm glow inside. He was out of the box and his mistress was happy about it. Things were definitely looking up. He swirled his cape and struck a dramatic pose.

The End

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_Because Ellen triple-dog-dared me._

_Jareth and the Labyrinth belong to Henson and Company._

_While I definitely borrowed some ideas from Pixar, I am using no Pixar characters other than the army men. However, John Ratzenberger would be an excellent choice to do the voice for Lonnie, the Wolfman._

_And, yes, the entire point of this story is that I have a 12" talking Jareth doll. He's gorgeous and so is his bulge._


End file.
